Agra

30th October-2nd November

Let’s get the negatives out of the way first. After Delhi, I was looking for some light relief. Unfortunately Agra is not the right place to look. Don’t get me wrong, the historical sites are stunning, but the city itself is a dump. Get in, see the sights and get out.

Luckily, the guest-house we’d chosen was an oasis of calm amid the madness. The Heritage Homestay is just outside the city centre (if you can call it that) and is run by a very nice Sikh family. We had a great time there eating home-cooked Indian food, drinking chai and being regaled with anecdotes and stories by the head of family, Mr Singh. He’s quite a character is Mr. Singh – just don’t let him tell you any jokes!

The easiest way to see the sights in Agra is to hire a rickshaw driver for the day. A word of warning though: you have to make it clear you don’t want to go shopping otherwise you’ll be taken to clothes, carpet and marble shops and given the hard-sell (the drivers make a healthy commission if you buy anything). Our driver, Rama, was pretty good. He only took us to one shop (a marble emporium) but we did get some good background info on the main attractions and tips on what to see and what wasn't worth it.

A rendezvous with Rama

The best time to see the Taj Mahal is first thing in the morning, so that's where we started. It was simply stunning.

No Princess Di today

View along the river behind the Taj Mahal

Morning sun behind one of the towers at the Taj

Leaning tower of Agra

Taj Mahal with the mosque to the left

Closer view of the mosque

Just make sure you go early to avoid the crowds.

Next stop, the so-called Baby Taj.

It's like a baby Taj Mahal

The Baby Taj

Then we took a quick trip across the river to see the Taj Mahal from the back. Although it was only about 11am we could already see the difference in the size of the crowds. Just beside this spot lies the foundations for what was supposed to become the second Taj Mahal, an exact replica made of black marble.

Taj Mahal from the other side of the river

Finally, after a short pakora break, we visited Agra fort.

View of the Taj Mahal from Agra Fort

Inside Agra Fort

On our second day we took the bus out to Fatehpur Sikri, an abandoned city complex 30km southwest of Agra. This time we had no protection from our friendly rickshaw driver so when we got off the bus we were at the mercy of the touts and guides who deliberately sent us the wrong way up the hill. As a result, the first building (which should have been the last), a huge mosque, was largely spoiled (for me at least) by the incessant interruptions from adults and children offering themselves as guides or trying to sell postcards. They don’t take no for an answer either: more than once I actually had to get snappy to stop us from being followed. Don't they know I'm ratty in the mornings? (They do now...)

Once we got inside the city complex itself, things got a bit quieter, probably because of the ticket price. Sweet relief! Here are some photos.

Inside Fatehpur Sikri

Royal Pavilion

View from Royal Pavilion

Royal parcheesi board

According to the guide book, the king loved his parcheesi (which we know as ludo). He would play it with human pieces (of course - he's a king) and games could last for as long as two months during which time no-one was allowed to leave. Plus, if anyone started looking bored or tired they would be forced to drink a glass of wine. Penalty shot! Sounds like my kind of king...

On our last day we had an evening train to catch to Jaipur so Karen relaxed by doing some interview preparation and I relaxed by having nine holes of golf. I learned two things:

1. Six months without playing golf is poor preparation for a round of golf. There's only so many poor shots you can blame on a badly-kept course (for some reason the only place where there was no sand was in the bunkers).
2. Golfing etiquette hasn't really caught-on in India. The greenkeepers thought nothing of loitering on the green as I played my approach shots (probably the safest place to be) and before I'd even teed-off I had to break up a fight between two caddies who were literally wrestling over my golf bag!

So, in summary, if you're anywhere near Agra you must to go and see the Taj Mahal, just don't linger in the city any longer than you have to!

Next up, the Pink City of Jaipur...

Current location: Delhi until 14th Nov
Next stop: home

Delhi Encounter #1: Indian GP

24th-30th October 2012

Arriving in Delhi means that we've begun the final leg of our travels: just three weeks until we get back to the UK. Before then we’ll visit Agra, Jaipur and Jodhpur, but first there’s a Grand Prix to attend! There are other things to see in Delhi, but we’ll be back for a few days before our return flight so we decided to just relax, get our bearings and enjoy the motor racing.

First impressions of Delhi itself? It’s everything you’d expect: big, dirty, dusty, smelly and crowded. Stepping out of our hotel (close to the main railway station) we’re competing for road space with taxis and rickshaws, motorbikes, cars and vans, food vendors, beggars and touts. It’s mental.

The hustle and bustle you get used to, the dirt and pollution not so much. We've learned to avoid any damp patches by the side of the road (the smell is an early-warning) but avoiding the dust and fumes is impossible. It’s easily the most polluted city we've visited. And somebody really needs to put a mop round.

So, what of the Grand Prix itself? I’ll come to the race later but first, I have to say that it is by far the worst organised event I have ever been to. And I've been to T in the Park.

For example, we didn't have our tickets yet, just a sales voucher so we had to work out how to pick them up. There was no way to pick the tickets up in Delhi itself so we had to go to the circuit which is 50km south of the city. But how to get there? There was an official bus service, but you can only buy bus tickets if you've got your race tickets and even then you can only get bus tickets from the track. Catch 22. We had to pay for a taxi for the day to take us to the circuit on the Friday. We got there late after our driver took an unscheduled detour (twice) so we missed the practice sessions. At the ticket office (a portacabin two miles from the circuit) they gave us our race tickets and then insisted that we could only buy bus tickets for all three days. This led to a full and frank exchange of views. Eventually they backed down and discounted us the cost of Friday's bus. (This seems to be a peculiar feature of India: any ‘rule’ can be circumvented simply by creating enough of a fuss.)

Judging by the sound of more raised voices as we walked away, we weren't the only frustrated punters…

And that’s just one example. I had loads more written down but it was starting to sound a bit too ranty. If you want your ear bent for half an hour then you can ask me about it later.

As for the race itself? Well, it was pretty good I suppose. The noise from the cars is incredible – even with ear-plugs it was almost painfully loud – and the atmosphere in our merged stand (don't ask) was pretty good. Vettel won at a canter and there was some excitement watching Alonso hunt down Webber (and Hamilton almost doing the same). I enjoyed myself but I would have felt a bit short-changed had I paid the European ticket price – for the amount of entertainment on offer, it’s just not worth it. Glad I went though.

F1 drivers' parade

Some cars

Our view of the circuit: pretty good - we could see everything but the two straights

We filled the rest of our time in Delhi wandering around the bazaars near the train station, window shopping and, to pass the time one afternoon, going to the cinema. (We saw Looper – confusing but good. Bruce Willis and time travel is always fun.) The movie experience wasn't without its Indian idiosyncrasies: the usher literally ruined the first minute of the movie by waving the popcorn menu in front of our faces, there was a pointless intermission - too short for a toilet break - and the aircon was set to 'Russian winter'.

Delhi also managed to damage my body in several ways. First, I walked into a road-sign cunningly placed on the pavement, at head-height (I still think it jumped out at me). Then I grazed my eye trying to put my laptop in the travel safe (again, don't ask). Finally, in our waste-of-space hotel (once again, don't ask), I walked into a glass door, at speed, cutting my nose and badly bruising my knee. I looked like I’d been ten rounds with Audley Harrison i.e. not that badly hurt. Here's a photo of me feeling sorry for myself.

You should have seen the other guy

So, let’s just say I wasn't exactly unhappy to leave Delhi. Hopefully the return visit will be better…

Current location: Delhi (the return visit) until 14th November
Next stop: Blighty!

Varkala

15th-23rd October

Another bus journey from Alleppey and we arrived in the beautiful Varkala. Based on a recommendation from a Dutch couple we met in Fort Cochin, we'd booked a few nights at a place called the Woodhouse at the north end of town.

We arrived to blank looks from the few staff that were loitering around reception. A quick phone call to the absent manager and we were shown to a room, not the one we'd booked but a sneaky upgrade. Mmmm... We insisted on changing, but after this shaky start, things didn't improve. In our new room, half the light bulbs were out, the sheets on the bed were stained and the advertised Wi-Fi wasn't turned on. All this was greeted by shrugs from the staff. After grabbing a bite to eat from the surprisingly good attached restaurant (pakora and Tibetan momos – Chinese dumplings basically), we headed south up the cliff to find ourselves some better accommodation.

Our new hotel, the Hill View was better in every way: better location, cheaper, cleaner and just better run. The views from the cliff were spectacular and there were loads of places to eat nearby, the pick of the bunch being the Coffee Temple for breakfast (porridge and cappuccino), Little Tibet (good, cheap Indian and Tibetan food) and Abba (not the band). The attached restaurant - Cafe Del Mar - was also pretty good.

View south from the beach

View south from the cliff

For the next week we did a whole lot of not very much. We sunbathed, we belly-surfed (braving the fierce undertow), we watched the sunset over beers, we ate pizza in our room with the football on the telly, we watched the sea eagles (and a mad French man) ride the updrafts over the cliffs, we read our Kindles and we relaxed.

View north from the beach

Looking south from the cliff (again)

Karen's expert photo of a thermal-riding sea eagle

Now this looks like fun!

It really is an idyllic location – there are other beaches in Kerala, but I can't imagine any being better than Varkala.

Sunset over the Arabian Sea

Finally, it was time to leave. We rounded off our stay in Kerala with one night in another nice homestay (the Graceful Homestay) in the state capital, Trivandrum, a short train journey south of Varkala. Then it was off to the airport to fly north to Delhi and the Indian Grand Prix.

Current location: Delhi until tomorrow

Next stop: Agra

The Keralan Backwaters

13th-15th October

We left Fort Cochin via the ferry to Ernakulam where we could get the bus to Alleppey. (Or Alappuzha: a lot of Indian places have two names, the mangled English version from the days of the Empire and the more correct Indian spelling. See Bombay/Mumbai, Cochin/Kochi, Calcutta/Kolkata.)

Apart from getting dodgy directions from our guest-house owner (hint: for buses, go to the bus station) it was all fairly simple, just like Indian buses – hard seats, no windows (just blinds) and rock-hard suspension. Despite the incessant horn-honking and jerky driving style, it's not an altogether unpleasant way to travel. I wouldn't have fancied it so much in the rain though: it would have been a bit stuffy inside with the shutters closed and no cooling breeze.

We arrived in Alleppey, fought our way past hundreds of rickshaw drivers (and houseboat sellers) and took the short walk to our “homestay” – the Indian version of a bed & breakfast. In our experience, unless you can afford to stay at one of the top hotel chains, homestays are definitely the way to go in India. The mid-budget hotels are a bit of a lottery: frequently badly run, not guaranteed to be clean (and my expectations of ‘clean’ are fairly low these days), and often with a deluded self-image – by that I mean their description of the facilities rarely bears any resemblance to reality.

The place we'd booked, the Venice Castle, was very nice (and very cheap) – a big clean room, a big clean bathroom with loads of hot water, and apart from an early morning wake-up call from the nearby mosque, very quiet. Breakfast was good too.

Alleppey was only a stop-off for a trip into the Keralan back-waters. Luckily, our host at the homestay part-owns a houseboat and with his help we managed to get a good price for the night.

A Keralan houseboat, like the one we took

Inside the houseboat

We set off at about midday. On the boat, there really was nothing to do but relax and enjoy the tranquillity, gently chugging our way around the backwaters east of Alleppey, watching the locals go about their daily business.

Vembanadu lake

Ice cream shop

Locals going about their business

Another houseboat

Other boats on the way out of Alleppey

In the late afternoon the views got even more picturesque and just before sunset we berthed for the night at a fantastic spot for photos.

Just chillin'

Sunset over rice paddies

A local on his way home after work

That evening, we were treated to a magnificent thunderstorm, all fun and games until one bolt struck very close to the boat.

The next morning, nice and rested after a good breakfast (I'm slowly getting used to curry for breakfast), the boat took us back to Alleppey, returning to dry land at about 9am. Then it was a quick rickshaw ride into town and the bus to Varkala.

Had we not already spent a number of days on the Mekong, we might have been tempted to spend longer on the houseboat. As it was, one night was plenty and a very relaxing and enjoyable night it was too.

Next up: Surf and sand at Varkala

Current location: Delhi until tomorrow
Next stop: Agra

Kerala: Fort Kochi and Kathakali

9th-13th October

From what we've read, tales from friends and some limited prior experience, India - and Delhi in particular - can be a bit of a culture shock for the uninitiated. For that reason, starting off in the much more relaxed Kerala seemed like a good idea – it's more backpackers and beaches than the hot, sweaty crowds of the big Indian cities.

We arrived in late evening at Cochin International Airport to be faced with a conundrum:

1. The pre-paid taxi desk is inside the terminal building and only took rupees.
2. We didn't have any rupees and the only ATM was outside the terminal.
3. Once you leave the terminal, they don’t let you back in…

Travellers tip: when arriving at Cochin airport, either make sure you've already got some rupees or be prepared to sweet-talk the policeman at the terminal gate! One 45 minute, seatbelt-less, white-knuckle taxi-ride later (in a Vauxhall Corsa), we arrived at our guesthouse in Fort Kochi.

The next morning we had a wander around town to get our bearings. Due to its location, Fort Kochi has been occupied by a the usual mix of sea-faring Europeans: in this case, the British, the Portuguese and the Dutch. The influence is obvious looking at the local architecture. The first thing we noticed however were the Chinese fishing nets - the iconic image of Kerala.

Chinese fishing nets

These huge counter-weighted nets require 4-5 people to operate them, but I suspect the ones in Fort Cochin are more for the tourists than fishing judging by the repeated entreaties from the operators to pose with them for photos.

We had four days in town which is plenty of time to see everything. Although it’s part of a larger conurbation (Ernakulam), most of the sights are in and around Fort Kochi, and it’s not very big. In nearby Mattancherry we visited the Dutch palace – worth seeing for its murals and a good introduction to the history of the area – and the Jewish quarter with its old synagogue and maze of streets selling clothes and spices. We picked up some masala tea. In Fort Kochi itself there's the Santa Cruz Basilica and St. Francis’ church which houses the original, but now empty tomb of Portuguese explorer, Vasco da Gama.

St. Francis' church

Food-wise, we've probably eaten our last noodle: we’re now in India which means it's time for curry and its limitless variations. It’s slightly weird having curry every night (and some lunch-times) – in the UK, this kind of behaviour would be a fast-track to obesity – but things are different in India, in Kerala at least.

For a start, there’s much less meat. Most of the curries we've eaten have been vegetarian: amazingly fragrant dishes made with potato & cauliflower (aloo gobi), spinach & cheese (palak paneer), lentils (daal) and my favourite, chick pea curry (chana masala). Meat and fish is readily available, but partly because eating meat increases your chances of an upset stomach, and partly because the meat doesn't really add much to the flavour, we've mostly abstained. Having said that, being by the sea, we have had the occasional delicious fish curry.

Also, the food is much lighter: the rich, yoghurt and cream-based sauces are not as common here (more so in the north of India apparently) and there’s been no cases of our food turning up swimming in ghee. The breads (naans, rotis, etc.) are much thinner and lighter as well.

Having said all that, there’s little chance of losing any weight since everything is so delicious.

Ho hum.

We rounded off our stay in Fort Kochi with a trip to the theatre and a short performance of some Kathakali. I say 'short' because Kathakali plays can last for days and even the shortest stories can last for hours. Luckily, the Kathakali centre in Fort Kochi is geared-up for the tourists so the the performances are slightly briefer, but they do let you in early to see the amazing makeup being applied which can take as long as the show itself.

The play we saw – more of a scene really – told the story of a green-faced chap (clearly not to be trusted) trying to seduce some other chap's wife. He fails so tries to beat and rape her, but she escapes and tells hubby, who then kills him. It's much like the plot of any episode of Neighbours.

The actors tell the story entirely by facial expressions and complicated hand gestures. There’s also a narrator who sings the story to the audience with sound effects provided by a couple of drummers.

Putting on makeup

All the colours are made naturally from stones and plants

Would you trust this man?

Indecent proposal

All the parts are played by men by the way

"I have seen things you people would not believe..." 

To be honest I'm not a huge theatre fan so I wasn't expecting much. The first 20 minutes – a demonstration of the basic skills, the hand movements and the facial expressions – brought to mind a constipated Kenneth Williams: not a promising start.

But when the action began in earnest, the music (the narrator singing over a harmonium drone), the drumming and the weirdly silent acting – all delivered with bucket-loads of conviction – combined to be strangely compelling.

It was very atmospheric: a hugely enjoyable and memorable couple of hours. A must-see if you're ever in Kerala.

Next up: a trip to the famed Keralan backwaters.

Current location: Varkala until tomorrow
Next stop: Trivandrum before flying to Delhi on Wednesday